ABCD

We all know what that means! For those uninformed it means American born Confused Desis (Indians). 


A phrase that apparently describes the first generation Indians born here in the US of A. But when you dive down deep, is it the kids who are confused or is it the parents? I believe it’s us, the parents, who are confused about if they are raising Indian or American kids. We are the ones who are pulling and pushing them in all directions. We have not given up on our Indian value system but we also want our kids to fit right in here in US. Therein lies the confusion. And are we willing to give up, no! Because our identity is tied with theirs so we hang on. We want kids that we can show off on both the continents! So they are some kind of a unicorn, right?!


In some ways, I think our kids will be better adjusted to both worlds than we have ever been. I think they understand the nuances of both cultures and also know who and what they are. They have a strong sense of identity with America and they know how to handle the Indian side of life. I think a part of them knows that they will always be stuck between these two cultures and they have to walk the fine line all their lives. Is it fair to them, I don’t know. I want my kids to be able to balance both with aplomb but I also know how much it frustrates them:-) I think we have high expectations from them, but I also believe they can deliver with ease:-) 


I think we are all guilty of pushing our native history and culture at every given chance. For a lot of us, India is the greatest country (even though we are here!) and something our kids should feel proud of no matter how much they truly connect with it! What do they feel about the religious dogma, the non stop cacophony of social inequalities, the constant meddling of almost everyone and their uncle in your life? I think they feel caught in the middle of saying something about it but keeping quiet for fear of being called ABCD! Or they feel their opinions are ignored by their families and relatives in India for being born in US and not truly understanding India?! Sometimes I feel they understand their native country better than those who are growing up in India but are always looking out! 


That actually is the story of every immigrant kid, they carry the burden of the expectation of being perfect and always fitting right in in two different cultures. On the bright side, they enjoy the best of the cultures of distant lands and people. So should we give up and let our kids be just Americans? No. I think they’ll lose way more than they will gain that way. And the country will lose its rich diversity and the many many cultures that make it an amazing country to raise your kids in.


So here’s to raising kids who maybe a little confused but also strong and sensitive enough to balance this tough choice we have made for them:-) 



Comments

  1. Cherie DarganDecember 4, 2020 at 12:40 PM

    Wonderful perspective. I had Swedish ancestors who came here on one of those large ships around the turn of the century. I'm sure they had some concerns, and had to learn the language and culture. I also have ancestors that include a little adopted French boy (who became my great grandfather), Irish, English, and Scottish folks. But I think they were all focused on succeeding in this country. Your experience is very different, facing two sets of expectations, in two countries. Thank you again for educating me. And, I think you and your husband have done a remarkable job raising your daughters.

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    Replies
    1. Priyanka December 4, 2020 at 1:37 PM

      Thank you, Cherie:-) We’ve been juggling to give kids the best of both cultures and so far it seems to have worked out:-) Every immigrant story is similar in so many ways if we look regardless of generations or times.

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