Empty nesters

A little late but here it is. I wanted to feel the full effects of kids leaving home before writing it down:-) The ups and downs and the good and the bad and the ugly! These are my thoughts and feelings about this process:-)

It’s a misnomer to begin with. In the animal world the nest doesn’t stay empty very long. There are new chicks every year and the parents are busy with their babies again! Human nests, not so much. Once the chicks fly, they’re gone. They’ll never live in the nest again. From now on, they’ll visit and that’s the toughest part about all this. That reality is what’s the hardest to accept and sometimes it’s easier to not accept it. Whatever makes it easy. 

How do we shove 17-18 year olds out to deal with whatever life has to throw at them? I think they need more time to mentally and emotionally develop before they are required to make serious decisions. One day they’re high school kids and next day they’re adults! They’re expected to act like they know everything and that parents are now somehow redundant. That’s a hard transition for sure for both parties involved.

As a parent we live in a constant state of worry no matter how old our kids are. Haven’t met a parent yet who doesn’t worry about their kids regardless of their distance or capabilities. Every worst case scenario plays in our head. The world suddenly is full of big bad wolves and they’re all out to get your kids!! Yes, we have grown up in the same world and did just fine. As we navigated the world, we figured things out and did ok. Will our kids be ok? Of course! Will they make good decisions? Of course! Can we ever stop worrying anyway? Of course not!!

How do you cope? It’s so different for everyone. Some people get busier to avoid thinking about it. Some people slow down. But one theme that’s common in all this is that you’ll miss them like you’ve never missed anything before. It’ll feel like your heart is out of your body. I felt like someone was choking me and I couldn’t do anything. Just talking about it would make my eyes tear up. Bedtime will be the time when your mind will wander and think of everything you should’ve done or prepared. Your worries, your fears will all come to keep you company! You never think one day the house will be so quiet and clean and that you’ll actually miss all the chaos. You’ll avoid going to their rooms, avoid that general area of the house, I know I did. And some days the silence will be deafening! 

But there’s some joy that you experience as an empty nester in watching your kids grow up into these amazing human beings! Kind and smart and super funny! You see yourself in them and enjoy that moment. Their success is your success. They become your best friends and there’s no topic under the sun that you can’t discuss with them as an adult, well almost no topic . As I look at my kids become these confident, strong adults, I find peace knowing that they’ll make this world a better place. Could we ask for more as a parent?! I don’t know.

School nights and games and activities that ruled your life are done now and you can breathe knowing you’ve done all that was needed. Kids don’t come with an instruction manual so we all do the best we can knowing the best we know. Let’s take pride in that! We have given our kids the confidence that we are right behind them as they carve out a life of their own. Something they’ll cherish for life.

This is also a phase of life where you start discovering yourself again. You realize how many things you had put on hold because your kids were your number one priority. This is the time to find and enjoy the journey of graduating from just mom and dad to being you. You start as a couple and raise a family and a full house and you’re back down to being a couple again! And we have to enjoy this time too. Plan things together, vacations, dinners, movies. Whatever your heart desires. Life is rushing by and if we don’t pay attention, it’ll leave us standing still empty handed.

There are many more transitions yet to come and after you’re through this, most of them will be a lot easier. And remember you have in your kids your new best friends and confidants who are there to help you through anything:-) They’ll roll their eyes as they help you with new stuff and especially technology😀 They’ll be wiser than we were at that age. We are now the old generation! Enjoy! 

And to all the future empty nesters, there’s nothing I can say that’ll ease the worries and the pain. It’s something that you have to endure to get the strength to let go. Spend as much time as you can with them, hug them tight, give them a kiss despite their resistance:-) Do whatever your heart feels is the right thing to do in this moment, there’s no right or wrong! Your kids, your heart, your life:-) 

Cheerios