A feminist

This topic is always so inflamed with passion that it’s hard to ignore. So I thought I’ll share what I feel and think about this as a woman, a wife, a mother and all the rest.

As every woman who has ever stood up for what she believes in knows very well, a feminist is a word that’s been twisted and weaponized and hurled at them at every chance by men who feel threatened that women want to be treated as equals! What an absurd idea! And even in this 21st century it creates more rift and anger in people who see it as a power grabbing tactic by women! Or as a way to shake things up by women for some weird selfish reasons. People call me a feminist and I wear it as a badge of pride! I know I’m fighting the good fight and shaking things up for the betterment of the society as a whole. I’m not breaking relationships or disrespecting people around me, but I do things that sound right to me without any apologies or excuses. Are some people mad about that? Maybe. But then that’s their problem, not mine. I was raised by a strong feminist mother and that’s what I want my daughters to see and learn as young women themselves. 

When recently AOC was called a b**** by an absolute disgrace of a man, how many people did you see get up in anger? Very few. Suddenly it became a Democrat issue. As if women’s respect and honor is a partisan issue. As if strong women need to be pulled down so men around them can feel taller. A woman who speaks her mind needs to be shut up since apparently she doesn’t know what she’s talking about! Will these men tolerate their wives and daughters being called the same? Or do these basic ideas work only one way? Therein lies the problem. Right now as Biden looks for a VP, people have been talking about Kamala Harris as a good candidate. But then there are a few who think she is too ambitious! Really? Wow! This is when she’s worked so hard and is more than qualified for this position? This is how society keeps women held back by making something positive look so negative. If a woman knows what she wants and goes for it, she’s not womanly enough and should temper down. But if a man does the same thing, he’s strong and passionate and ambitious in just the right dose! 

The fact that we, as women have to do this, should be the biggest indicator that something is not right in this world. That we are subjected to sexist remarks on a regular basis is so shameful. That women are paid less then men for the same work is an abomination. That men still make rules about what women can do to their bodies is ridiculous. That men in every industry get to decide how women should look and what their size should be is aggravating. That women are “allowed” to work but still expected to run a household and raise kids alone is beyond any reason! That women need to learn to be safe and not attract attention to themselves is just ludicrous. That we are second class citizens is the bane of every society. That Gloria Steinem is still fighting for women’s rights, is just crazy! She started when she was a young woman and she’s 86 now! How long does one have to do that and when will we see equality in true sense of the word? 

Patriarchy is the way of the world. And sometimes I wonder how did that happen?! Was it always this way or did it change so slowly over the centuries that women didn’t notice how their rights were being sliced away?! Were we convinced that this is good for us?! Or did we give up without putting up a fight?! Did our optimism fool us for centuries into believing that things will get better by themselves?!

Whatever it was, it certainly changed the world for worse. When we were kicked out of decision making, our world started to turn. As mothers and nurtures, we moved to the back to take care of everyone but us. We were told that this is what our job is and we should feel proud of it. And we are still told that at work and in business in clear and sometimes subtle ways. So we kill ourselves trying to be the prefect woman without the same rights and privileges as men. And to add to this travesty, women in a large part, haven’t been kind to their own sex. Talk about saving a boat with a gaping hole in it! These rules that were made by men were unfortunately mostly enforced by women. Were they brainwashed into thinking they were doing the right thing or did they use this as holding power over other women in their lives? Why didn’t they raise boys to become men in true sense of the word, who’d respect and love every women in their life and who’d stand by them regardless of their relationship? What were they thinking?! 

Feminism is not about fighting but sometimes to get what you want, you have to fight. Because the power that the patriarchy holds over us cannot be just asked and requested for. It hasn’t worked before and it will not work now. We need to take our rights away from the patriarchal society and let them know that we are not beholden to them for anything anymore. We are absolutely capable of making decisions about ourselves and feel good about them. That we don’t need to take a back seat in decisions that concern us. That we need to be in that room where these decisions are being made. That men, more than they are now, need to join this fight for their mothers, daughters, sisters and wives.

As women age, they feel more freedom and strength to say what they feel like. But by then they have already lost majority of their life listening and keeping quiet and doing the right thing. Those frustrations and anger then stay with us for most of our life like a pot on simmer, ready to boil over. We’ve all seen that in our moms and aunts and sisters. And then when we say what’s on our mind, guess what, the word feminist comes back as an arrow to shut us up. But this is a good fight and we need to do this for our daughters and daughter-in-laws and sisters and mothers, in fact for every woman in our life. When the society will change to truly make us all equals, the world will become a more loving and forgiving place. A place where women will be encouraged and respected for their talents without any regard of their gender. A place where women will feel free to say what they think regardless of the worry how it’ll be perceived. A place where women will be cherished in real life as much as they are cherished in stories and myths. Then, and only then will we have a world for all in the true sense of the world and the word feminist will become a title that men and women will wear with pride.