Loss of parents.

Dedicated to all who have lost a parent or both parents. Know that you’re not alone and that it’s ok to feel the way you feel. I’ve been there. 

Death. A word that has so many connotations for people. For some it’s a relief, for some it’s a pain that stays with you, for some it’s a shock, for some it’s a natural process. Whatever it might be, it’s an end. An end to a love, a relationship, a life. So many things end with that one event. All you’re left with are memories and thoughts that bring that aching pain back to surface every now and then. And time does nothing to lessen the pain. It just becomes a throbbing dull ache. Even though we are surrounded by death all the time, it still has the power to hit us in the guts and make us gasp for a breath. 

A loss of a parent is something we all dread because as we grow up, we know it’s going to happen eventually just not anytime soon and surely not to us. We are surrounded by death from the moment we grow up. But when it happens, it still knocks the breath out of you for the longest time. You cannot understand why it happened and what you could’ve done to stop it. You know you have to live for the living but how do you cope with this loss? How do you deal with not having a home to go back to or a confidant to talk to? That’s what my parents were to me. They were my first friends, my teachers, my whole world, my home. 

Growing up, you see their flaws and their shortcomings but you forgive it all because they are your mom and dad, your whole world, your anchor in this world. The one relationship that’s forever true. They can do nothing wrong. Unknowingly you learn so much from them. So much of them stays with you regardless of you consciously acknowledging it. And I guess that’s what makes it so tough. Your whole basis of YOU has gone. Now you have to learn to live without going back to them and asking how they did it, what it took to go through life. How do I do this and do that? Questions about doing the right thing for your own kids and being a good parent? Those and so many many more questions will forever stay unheard and unanswered. 

We are middle aged parents now but we were kids till not very long ago. Till we had a mom and a dad to run to. Now we are only adults, nobody’s kids. Now all the world expects something from us all the time and doesn’t owe us anything. No one to tell us to be brave and carry on and everything will be fine. No one to tell us that it’ll all be ok or don’t stress out so much it’s not good for your health! We have to grow up and take care of ourselves now, no one is there to tell us that we need to eat well and stay happy. Life will go on surely but the vacuum of being on your own without the warm and undying love of your mom and dad or even one parent will make it so so hard.

Time heals all wounds, they say. But I think time just covers up the scars and lessens the pain, but look hard and the scar is still there and still raw. Any moment, in any day, years from now can rip it open and make you lose control and break down. An event, a memory, an object, any of these things are capable of taking you right back to the day you want to forget. Right back to the moment when you realized that you were no longer anyone’s kid, just a lost soul without the guiding light of a parent. 

After the overwhelming grief, all that remains is love. The love that was the cause of this grief. Without this love it would be so easy to move on, but with this love, it is so heartwarming to stay in this grief. There will be days when it’ll take hold of you and won’t let go. But there will be days when it’ll ease a little and let you smile. It’ll remind you of what your parents meant to you and why you grieve. What better way to cherish their memories?

When someone says you look like your mom or dad, it always brings a smile to your face. Because for you, that keeps them alive. They may have gone but they left their imprint on you. That is something that’ll stay with you forever. You feel a pride that you are carrying their image with you. It’s like going home. After all, what better wealth and inheritance than the great love that you are left with when your loved ones go? That is your anchor and guiding light for the rest of your life. In the end that is all that matters.