Letting go

What a simple phrase this is. So many times I’ve heard this term and have always found it something that you’d tell others to do but can’t do it yourself! It’s never easy no matter what the logic. 

Letting go of stuff, no problem. Letting go of ideas and thoughts, no worries. But letting go of your loved ones, nope! It’s heartbreaking no matter who it is. But especially gut wrenching if it’s your kids who are growing up faster than you want and are moving on with their life. Then letting go is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Now that my firstborn is off to college, it seems like someone is pulling my heart out of my chest. 

I never thought I’d be the cool mom who drops off her kids to college because it’s good for them and their future. No illusions there! I knew I’d be a wreck. I’ve been losing sleep for past three years so I’m a pro. So many things will be out of my hand and there’s nothing I can do about it. How can I make things comfortable and safe? What kind of food will she get? Who will tell her to take a break when she’s tired? Who will take one look at her face and know something is not right or something is bothering her?

My daughter on the other hand is so amazingly calm. She’s my rock in a lot of ways:-) She gives me strength to see this transition as something of a small change and not as big as I make it out to be. Something she just has to do and that it won’t change a thing. She’ll be there for us always, which I know she will. 

Oh, but change it will. Her mere absence will change so many things in our family. Our dinner table will be quieter and we’ll miss our discussions about everything under the sun which makes dinner time way longer than just eating. There will be a hole in my heart and I’ll miss her advise and our inside jokes, her comments on how I’m a very careless person in the kitchen:-) Her constant one line zingers on things and people, fashion comments, books sharing, movies and most of all heart to heart chats. That’s what a mother and child relationship has always meant to me, heart to heart. 

I’m so lucky to have another amazing daughter to make this transition a little easier.  She keeps reminding me that she’s still here for two years and I know how blessed I am for having her with us:-) Having her and her routine will help us settle down. And this will be the time I can concentrate on our relationship before she heads off to college too. I know she’ll be my confidant and my friend and my rock too in coming years:-) She already is in so many different ways! Heaven knows what I’ll do when she leaves too. Maybe I’ll pack up and move in with them:-) 

So to all of my friends whose kids are heading out, just remember, we are all going through the same emotions and feelings. One of the best things I read sometime ago was, acknowledge your feelings and be patient. I think many times we try to convince ourselves or are told that we are making it a bigger deal than it is and we should stop. I don’t think that’s healthy at all. What you’re feeling is genuine emotions, so own them and get ready for a new phase of life as a parent, as tough as it is. We have to smile and bear it so our kids don’t have to worry about us as they take on the world. I’ve heard it becomes easier, let’s see!